Post

I'm gonna write this post now because I probably won't have any time tomorrow. I'm still
in the middle of packing and having crazy anxiety so I see some scrambling in my future.
I have so much stuff to pack, including film and cameras and wrapping them up in clothes
so that they don't get ruined from being tossed around by ramp serviceman.

So, I'm leaving tomorrow. It doesn't feel real, I just keep thinking about it all. Thoughts
racing through my mind at a million miles per hour. How did it get this bad? Over time
I only feel that it has gotten progressively worse. Can we just fast forward time, to the
moment where the plane wheels touch down on the airport tarmac? Tarmac is what it's
called right? I don't want to think of it. I can't sleep. I don't want to pack. I don't want to
do anything right now honestly.

Anyway, that's enough complaining/venting for one night. Sorry for that negativity. Didn't
know where else to vent what's going on in my mind. Going to finish packing stuff.

Have a great night and day tomorrow.

So Much More

These were taken a few days before moving to LA. Ron and I went and ate at this
little Italian restaurant down the street from our place. I was already feeling anxious
and sad to leave a lot of memories and loved ones behind. Little things started to
flash back in my mind, things I haven't remembered in years! Like going with my
mom to Heights Drive in before school to get a paper lunch for my field trips. I
remember getting 2 shoyu chickens and a small fry. Then when lunch came
around for us, we'd find some botanical garden to eat at & it would never fail,
my fries would be soggy and cold but i'd LOVE that. I know that's weird, but I
really liked that. Probably why I can still eat soggy cold fries. But things like that.
Those memories of when I was little, slowly growing up into the person I am now,
started to flash back to me. It made me so sad to leave. I knew that moving away
meant that I would barely come back. I hate flying, we all know that. It made me
put into perspective the things that were most important to me, and the things
that I cherish the most. I can't wait to go back in time and see my home again.

I've missed you, so.

I'm so emotionally tired. Zzz.

2 Days To Go

I've been missing lately. Missing to my own self and to my friends. So much is going through my
mind right now. We leave in two days! I'm so nervous! Just trying to keep myself busy and make
sure I have everything for the wedding. Got my flash and my extra memory card. I have to pack
so many things since we're there for so long! Time is FLYING BY! I know I say that in every entry
but WOW! Really. Crazy.

Picked up a bunch of 35mm film for the trip. I don't have too much 120 stuff but oh well. Film is
damn expensive. I need a side job just to support my habit.

Ok, I'm gonna rest and watch some television. Have a great Monday. MONDAY! Can't believe that.

G'night.

Pt. II

I caught some kinda head cold and have been feeling HORRIBLE all day and all last night.
It's been bad, I couldn't sleep. I just tossed and turned and with squinty-eyes, watched
some t.v in bed before sleeping at sunrise. Thee worst.

Well, time is winding down. I fly next week :(. I'm happy and really scared, I hate feeling
like this. Have been living in a little hole for some time now, so I decided to give myself
a little pampering. Made an appointment to cut my hair tomorrow, not a major cut, just
a trim. Then go shopping for an outfit for the wedding. Shopping always makes me mom-
entarily happy, so hopefully this works out.

Hope everyone is having a good week. TGIF! Have a great weekend. :)

ps-These photos are from the gardens the other day. Didn't post-process them. Just resized
and posted. Trying something different.

Wednesdays

Took the day off yesterday and went down to the gardens near our place. We spent a few hours
just walking and enjoying time together, not thinking about work. Definite PLUS.

Also went to Whole Foods for the first time and I love it. Picked up a Teriyaki Bowl w/ veggies
and rice for dinner. I think we're going back there tonight to get vegan meatloaf and wild
mushroom lasagna. It looked really really good and I'm really curious about the vegan meat-
loaf.

Wow. What a day, mentally. I feel drained just thinking about everything happening all at once.
What do you do, to mentally retreat? Anything?

Flickr Faves!

1. greasy delight, 2. ummmm...fries, 3. a memory cherished, 4. raindrops remain, 5.
Untitled, 6. Untitled, 7. film, 8. Untitled, 9. バラバラ Party - Part One, 10.
バラバラ Party - Part One, 11. My Bicycle, 12. Untitled, 13. Untitled, 14.
Lavomatic, 15. Meiji Shrine, 16. Simple.Beautiful.Life, 17. Untitled, 18. Untitled,
19. good morning, 20. Untitled, 21. Untitled, 22. Untitled, 23. Shanghai, China,
24. Fat man's breakfast, Hatley, 2008, 25. Abandoned Car In Pasadena, CA, 26. Untitled,
27. Untitled, 28. Alex, 29. freckles dancing upon the translucent sky., 30. Flowers, 31. Untitled,
32. beautiful strange, 33. ., 34. ., 35. erin, 36. Untitled

Food Post

Came across these old photos from a trip to Palm springs. The first two were from
a restaurant we stopped off at right before driving back to LA and the other ones
were from a dinner in the Hotel we stayed at. Kind of a strange place, that hotel.
Not sure how to describe why it was a little weird, but you know when you go somewhere
and you instantly get the "WTF?" feeling? That's kinda how I felt the whole time we were
there. Anyway, it was a really nice trip. I wouldn't mind going back to relax w/ a drink
at the pool. Sounds so good right about now.

Time for sleep. Heading over to some gardens tomorrow. Taking the day off!!! I'm excited.
Hope I can wake up early. Zzz.

Night.

Distractions + Meteors

Watched the meteor shower tonight from some pool area. It was so quiet, you could hear
the trees blowing in the slight breeze. Reminded Ron and I of Hawaii, and reminded me of
my grandma's house. It use to be one of my favorite things to listen to, that hallow sound
of the wind through the leaves. Probably up there on the "top 5 favorite things about HI"
list. Maybe i'll make one, one day. I would have to think about that one though, there are
so many little things that I love & miss. I was talking to Ron the other day about how much
i'd miss LA if we moved. Little things, like (obviously) the shopping, and my routine restaurants,
big bear, lakes, driving distance to different states and cities, snow (in the winter), hearing the
trains at 5 am, fog, piers, crazy county fairs, griffith observatory, our apartment- our first apt
together, my favorite parks, camera shops! and old photobooths, to name a few. The lists
can go on forever. I'd miss a lot. I guess I shouldn't keep dwelling on things I would miss,
or what I do miss and focus on the present moment. It's hard for me to do such things, but
I have to force myself or it's easy to fall into some never ending hole. In fact, I think I'm
trying to get out of one right now! It's pretty deep, and dark. I need sunlight. Yes yes,
that's what I need. And sleep! I need sleep, which I should start working on right now at
3:41 am.

Goodnight world.

MORE!

Yes. YES! More engagement photos. Still testing things out before heading over
to Hawaii. I think I like these more than the last ones. I don't know. Think maybe
i've been staring at the laptop screen for too long. Zzz.

2:36 am

Playing around with the engagement photos. What do you think? I'm not usually into
borders but, they're growing on me.

Finally, the sun.

I couldn't sleep last night, I had a major headache and took about 4 excedrins the whole
day. Probably a huge reason why I wasn't tired. Ron got me a sinus rinse (somewhat like
the netipot) and I tried it out last night. Late last night. Almost immediately after using it,
my headache went away. WELL, I guess it's sinus related. That was crazy. I probably won't
use it for a while, don't want to over do it, even though it says you can do it on the daily.

I finally made it out of the house today. We drove down to santa monica and I got to feel
the sunlight on my skin. That was really nice, I almost forgot how nice being in the sun
feels. Stopped at a camera shop to pick up a few things for the wedding and decided to
ask them if they had peel apart film, cause I seen it stocked the last time we were there.
They didn't. They told me to go to Samys down the road. Guess we can try the one
near our place. I wish I could get my hands on some polaroid!!! Shipping is so expensive
everywhere and I don't know enough people here to do a group order.

Anyway, better go to sleep. NO HEADACHE TONIGHT! So glad. Alright. Goodnight. Zzz

Migraines + Anxiety

Not the usual happy saturday. I haven't been sleeping well lately, lots on my mind. Took a nap in
the middle of the day and ended up just staying home all day and night. Finally at around 11, I
asked to get out for a second to test out my camera in low lighting situations. Drove down the
street near the shops and clubs and took a few photos of Ron. They came out okay, I still need
to play around with it more I guess.

I have a massive headache (excedrin didn't help) that just won't go away :(. I really don't feel like
sitting in the house right now for some reason. I need some air. Fresh air. My thoughts are driving
me CRAZY!

Not locking myself in tomorrow, that's for damn sure.

G'night.

How Does It Feel

Having such an intense week. So much on my mind and trying to finish editing! Need
myself a mental break.

Flickr Faves

1. Untitled, 2. Untitled, 3. Untitled, 4. Untitled, 5. Axis and allies, 6. Croc, 7. Yoghurt, 8. .,

9. Untitled, 10. now hold your breath, 11. Untitled, 12. Untitled, 13. Untitled,

14. Carpaccio Magazine, 15. Untitled, 16. Untitled, 17. Untitled, 18. yellow, 19. Untitled,

20. pastry, 21. Missing The Light Of The Day, 22. suzie overload, 23. andra,

24. the lovely miss jasfitz., 25. 3 of my favorite things, 26. fall tree, 27. ., 28. .,

29. Big Red, 30. Untitled, 31. polaroid week day 5, 32. countryside, 33. ., 34. Untitled,

35. Untitled, 36. Untitled

Daily

Lunch today. The same as yesterday and the day before that. Read a little on break, opposed
to the daily reality t.v binge. It was nice and quiet, but gloomy. Not much light lately, possibly
another reason i've been feeling a little low. I need some natural serotonin! Where are you Mr.
Sun??

About to make some corn soup. Hope this goes okay.

Thinking Of Summer...

And missing it so.

Braised Beef & Vegetables

Cooked Braised Beef & Vegetables tonight. The recipe called for peas but Ron doesn't
like peas, so I subbed it w/ corn. It was fairly easy to make. Chopped up potatoes and
1/2 an onion, cut up the thinly sliced beef shank, browned the potatoes and onions. Threw
the beef and onions in together and added the dashi broth, which you can make yourself
w/ the dashi powder + water. After you let everything come to a boil (high heat) you put
your drop lid (lid used to keep the heat and steam in) on top of the ingredients and turn
your heat to medium. The drop lid is easy to make btw. You can make it with aluminum foil,
just bend it into a circle, just a little smaller than the sauce pan. So anyway, after you
put your drop lid on, you let it simmer for a few minutes (I set it for 5), then add in sugar
and mirin and 1/2 of the shoyu recommended. Put the drop lid back on and simmer for
another 5 minutes or so, and add in the rest of your shoyu and you're done! Let me know
if you want the full recipe, I can write it down and email. It was really good and only 440
calories, which is definitely a plus.

I tried to get a photo of the finished product, but I have really horrible light in my living room
and it didn't come out. That was the most important photo! Oh well, you can see a blurry
photo of it at least. Next time. I also realize, I need a new saucepan. Our old trust pan is
looking mighty old! Gonna have to put that on the need list.

Hope everyone is having a relaxing night!

G'night